The Magic of Focusing

Focusing is an inner healing modality based on longitudinal research into the most effective practices of emotional healing while in relationship with the body. The foundation of Focusing is a welcoming, curious attitude to all parts of the self, the parts we both approve and disapprove of.  It is a practice.  It is very simple, and frequently not easy.  The tight throat, the shallow breathing, the one who is terrified, the barrier that blocks all feeling, the critic who chastises us for every wrong move, the knot in the stomach, the one who believes she doesn’t deserve love, the grief that threatens to swallow us whole, the fluttering anxiety, the one who judges and wants revenge- every single aspect is treated with the same welcoming, curiosity and fundamental respect.  There is a valid reason for each part to exist, and we open to hear what each aspect has to say.  Everyone is welcome at the table.

We don’t judge.  We simply say hello, hello, hello!  IF there is an aspect that feels too scary, too evil, too something and one cannot welcome it, we take a step back and welcome the aspect of ourselves that cannot welcome the fear.  It’s okay!  Here we are, just as we are.

We sit with radical presence with every aspect, listen, wonder with curiosity, and we practice our willingness and capacity to JUST BE with the physical sensations that come along for the ride.  Even if they feel like they might tear us apart.  Yes, there it is, hello to that tearing sensation.  I am willing to feel you.  I agree not to try and fix, control, manipulate, shame, judge, isolate, denigrate or violate these parts of myself.

This being human is hard, especially in a culture that inflicts and models shame so relentlessly.  We all experience great suffering throughout the course of our lives.  No one is immune.  But any socialization, even in an idealized family, community and culture, welcomes and admire some aspects of the self, and disapproves of other aspects.  It is just a part of the process and every human on the planet goes through it.  We are split into approved of and disapproved of- the approved attributes become the conscious personality and the disapproved becomes the unconscious unseen material.  We may not see the unconscious material, but it has a major role in the experience of our lives- it plays out in every relationship and in the very creation of our reality.  AS Jung said, “Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will rule our lives and we will call it fate.”

We all want to be good- to be better- to fix what feels broken or wrong or shameful or out of alignment.  We think, if I just do THIS, I won’t have to feel THAT.  If make myself ‘better’, then I will receive the love and belonging I yearn for.  We want to run from what feels bad.  Do something! Fix it!

We live in a culture that celebrates Doing and Fixing.  And this implies that we KNOW how to fix it- that we know where we are supposed to be, and what to do.  But so much of this impulse to fix it comes from a deep feeling of “not enough”- and so the driver for the action is the wound.  And frequently, the actions the wound chooses, reinforce the pain and trauma; somehow the wound calls in yet another experience that affirms the truth of the negative belief. 

Simple presence, rather than doing, sits with the wound, welcomes it, is curious about it.  Tell me about yourself, the presence says.  I want to know you deeply.  This presence opens a door that was invisible before.  It creates the room, the openness, the allowing, for a shift to occur.  It doesn’t ask or demand a shift- and its presence creates the container in which movement is possible.  And we never know what it will be!  It is the dance with the divine.  We agree to suspend our need to know, and magic happens.  We are resourced by the great unknown, and the deepest wisdom and truth that emerges from that fertile ground. We begin to trust the unfolding, the emergent, the imaginal.  We lose our fear of what we called “dark”, and learn that it is a magical land of all possibility. 

All through the simple act of being present with what is.

With Focusing, we bring the unconscious material into the light of our awareness and presence, and this simple act is one of the deepest healing and inner reconciliation.  We do this by paying close attention to the felt sense in the body and energy field- the tiniest twitch, ache, pull, throb- we notice and say hello.  The unconscious is stored in the body, housed in our illnesses, our stiff joints, or hyper-flexibility.  Housed in the subtlest sensations

And then it happens.  With the deep presence and welcoming comes a shift.  Something moves.  The breath deepens, the terrified one settles, the anxiety softens.  And the sharing is deep- each part has a story to share, and a treasure that it carries.  When we don’t RESIST and hate the feelings, they shift, move, grow, mature.  There is a trust that is building.  You won’t banish me if I show you my darkness?  Are you sure? The willingness to be present with what IS, builds a deep self trust that becomes a new foundation for living.

A client says, “the trauma is still present in my body but I am able to be with it in a new way.  I am doing Focusing with myself, just being with it.  I am more able to name the sensations.  I felt sad but didn’t try to fix it or use negative coping mechanisms.  I’m almost excited to be triggered! Just so I can be with it.  Focusing is such a powerful tool- it is a short-cut right to the root of what needs attention.”

A funny thing happens when we are willing to welcome ALL of who we are-

This practice is a radical short-cut to integration and healing of the deepest, rejected aspects of the self.  It is magical in its capacity to find a way through the darkness, to the root that needs healing.